Brad and I had a conference call with the agency rep tonight… We’ll call her Bonnie from now on. Because that’s her name. Plus, I’m tired of calling her “agency rep” in all my blog posts.
Bonnie gave us a whole lot to think and pray about. And, here I thought we were on information overload already. Silly me.
We’ve known from the moment we considered this process that it was going to be almost unbearably lengthy. And, we were right. Whether we choose to wait to apply to the Haiti program a year from now or, instead choose to apply to the Ethiopia program immediately, we most likely will not be bringing our son (or daughter – don’t tell Brad) home in less than 2 1/2 to 3 years from now. No matter what our knowledge of this process was then and is now, it is difficult to accept that fact.
It’s also difficult to explain that I already feel some sort of attachment to a little person that I’m not even sure exists right now. It’s likely that our child will not even be conceived for some time.
Even more unimaginable? Perhaps it isn’t God’s will for us to adopt at all.
Wow. It physically hurt my heart to type that last sentence. It reminds me of where I was about 13 years ago; wanting desperately to have a baby and facing the harsh reality that it may never happen. I am thankful daily that God so richly blessed my life with our beautiful daughters. They are more than I could ever possibly deserve, and our 4th child will be no different in that fact.
At this point in my life, I know with all my heart that God is in control. He is faithful and loving and good and kind. And I know too that God will give us wisdom throughout this process; all we have to do is ask.
James 1:5 (ESV) If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
How awesome is that?! But wait – there’s more!
Have you read Job lately? Now, that guy went through some stuff! In Job 28 (Mind you, that’s pretty late in the book – he had gone through lots of the stuff by this point), he writes on and on about wisdom and understanding! I live in utopia compared to Job. And still, there are days when I find myself throwing the most ridiculous pity party you’ve ever seen.If I find it hard to remember to seek His wisdom and find understanding in His Word during the good times, how will I ever learn to seek Him during the trials in my life?
I am a work in process….