I had no idea that when I promised transparency throughout this blog it would be so difficult, especially on days like this one when I feel my faith withering away. It’s a hard thing, especially as someone who so desperately wants to be in control but who also knows that life always works to my benefit when I let go and give it to Him.
The truth is that I’m discouraged today. I feel like an elephant is standing on my chest and like I could burst into tears at any moment. Here are a few things that just may be contributing to my crummy attitude:
I got a call yesterday from a lady who asked to come take a look at the furniture we had advertised on Craigslist. She said she’d be here within the hour. That was approximately 26 hours ago. Perhaps she got lost.
We’ve been expecting our paperwork from the home study agency to arrive any day now. And, by “any day” I mean it was supposed to be here on TUESDAY. That was approximately 2 days ago. Perhaps it got lost in the mail. Ugh… And, that’s not all. I received a phone call from another home study agency that we had requested information from and when I asked the lady about the total cost involved, the amount was twice what we had expected.
After the awesome feedback I received when I considered teaching the coupon class, I reserved a room for 40 people (while secretly hoping for 50 to show). Just 2 have RSVP’d and registered.
I have a couple friends who are acting weird about the adoption. I can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t and won’t offer any more details than that but it hurts my heart.
And, here comes the ugly cry… Darn.
I’m a logical gal and my logic tells me that I (1) probably shouldn’t put much faith in strangers in Craigslist Land, (2) “It went out in Monday’s mail.” probably means “Oh, crud – I knew I forgot to do something before I left the office on Monday!”, (3) We should probably get used to unexpected costs because this is most likely just the first in what will prove to be a very long list, (4) I posted the class yesterday and I should probably get a grip and, finally, (5) It’s not all about me. My friends probably have other, more important things to focus on in their own lives than what’s going on in my crazy world.
It’s comforting to know that, no matter how inconsistent my emotions, the strength of my faith, and the courage of my convictions, my God is always the same. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I am so, so thankful that his mercies are new every morning because I sure could use a fresh start after today…
Lamentations 3:22-23 “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”