I had a dream last night about our boy. Or, more accurately, our boys. One was a tiny infant, obviously from the Congo with a head full of beautiful, thick, curly, black hair. The other was a Caucasian, blonde, a toddler with lots and lots of energy. There was little more to the dream than those details but I woke up feeling rejuvenated after our incredibly busy and draining week.
This process is so much work physically and it demands an unfathomable amount of emotional energy. My friend, who is also researching, praying about and considering adoption made a remark about the fact that a “paper pregnancy” is, by far more difficult in a lot of ways that a typical pregnancy. She’s right.
But, my hope remains in the Lord and His will for our family. The more I delve into this world of adoption, the more He reveals His plan for us to turn our hearts toward adoption ministry, both in our own family through adoption and in our desire to help other families like ours with their adoptions.
I find it interesting that there was a time when I wondered if God had skipped me when He was passing out spiritual gifts. I was a selfish girl for most of my life and found it difficult to be particularly friendly or outgoing. To this day, I feel the anxiety creeping through my entire body when it’s time to greet and shake hands in the middle of Sunday church services. I’ve prayed diligently for God to soften my heart and make me a friendlier, more compassionate and more empathetic person. After all, I want to be like Jesus and I can’t imagine that He was a distant or unfriendly person.
I’ve grown tremendously and will never stop praying that God will continue to work on this stubborn heart of mine and use me for His purpose. I may not know now in what capacity I’ll be a part of adoption ministry; I just know that I will. I’m so thankful for the work that He’s doing and will continue to do.
The prospect of bringing home the little boy who is, for now, just a dream is more than enough to recharge my battery every day and I’m certain that he will continue to be for as long as this process may take. My confidence stems from the knowledge that God is within me and beside me to see me through the joys and sorrows, the easy stuff and the not-so-easy stuff.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”