Humility vs. Self Deprecation

I’ve been wandering around our house for most of the afternoon, wondering just how clean our house “should” be for the home study. Those who know me best will tell you that I’m a pretty clean gal. In fact, I remember someone telling me shortly after Brad and I got married that our house looked “like a museum”. At the time, I took it as a compliment. Now, it makes me a little sad.

Happily, I’ve loosened up over the years – partly out of necessity and the other part very purposefully. After all, I want our children to live in a home full of love, not a home full of stuff they can’t touch. And, that brings me back to my original question – how much should I be freaking out about cleaning up for the home study?

The whole process is so surreal and unlike anything we’ve ever experienced. In what other instance would a family invite a perfect stranger into their home to ask a variety of insanely personal questions and to observe the dynamics of our marriage and our abilities to parent? It’s ok – I couldn’t think of one either…

Ultimately, I know that my anxieties are the result of nothing but my dwelling on my shortcomings and I know that’s not what God asks of me. It’s apparent that my selfish pride is hindering me in a lot of different ways; as if this adoption process (or much else for that matter) hinges on my self induced limitations. I want to be a humble person but it’s clear to me that humility and self deprecation are two very different things.

God has equipped each of us with the ability to parent and to parent well. We do ourselves an enormous disservice by forgetting that truth and by allowing that crazy “mom-guilt” to get the best of us.

So, no more of that noise… I’ll trudge forward and clean up the house as I would if it were any ordinary week.

Thanks for talking me through this one, friends… I feel better already. 😉

 

Micah 6:8b “…and this is what he requires of you:
   to do what is right, to love mercy,
      and to walk humbly with your God.”

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